Regs Lose Semi - Saints lose flag.

No need to elaborate. Just devastating.

Kosi and Ball couldn't believe the Regs lost the semi

Regulators tune up for finals with annihilation of Choc Thunder

Mattyo and Sam go off in biggest win of the season.

There was a massacre on the court Monday night...

The regular season finished with a bang for the Regulators Monday night - winning by 35 points (72-37).

Resting their two bigs (Mal & Big Ben), the core of the Regulators went into the game loose and energetic. This team seems fresh, confident and have the aura of a winner. Time will tell if they are legit, or just a steaming pile of feces not worthy of gobbling the sack of the Melbourne Basketball Association.

Digs and Mattyo got the party started with some quick moves to the hoop and with only four men, Choc Thunder soon realised they had no chance of ending their season on a high. The lead climbed at a steady pace and until the Thunder managed a few 3-balls to cut the lead to five.

Digs entered the game again and went on a scoring spree like it was downtown L.A. circa 1992. He was stealing, looting, dropping dimes and dropped a few jaws with an incredible up-and-under move near the end of the half. At halftime his boner was visible and a rest on the bench where he could "squeeze one out" was well deserved.

With the lead back up around 20 points, Mattyo continued to rack up points like a pinball machine and had the official scorer nervous looking for room to put all those buckets on the sheet. Something had to be done before the algebra needed to be applied.

Enter Mr Sam Fuggle.

Scoring two points in the first half, Sam decided to light it up in the second and produced his most dominant sequence of basketball the Regulators have ever seen. Offensive rebounds, put-backs, Kevin McHale post moves and coast to coast layups were all broken out. He couldn't be stopped.

So the Regulators have now made the playoffs twice in three seasons. To advance they have to beat Wasted who defeated them by one point back in round six (49-48). The Regulators are a different team now and have a new ace up their sleeves in Big Ben.

From what we know Wasted live and die with their big point guard. If the Regs can shut this AND1 Mixtape try hard down they will have a great shot at the grand final.

See you all there at 7pm this Monday, tickets are scarce...

Regs take care of Jets, keep grasp on third spot

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Regs lead from start to finish as they close in on a finals berth.

The finals picture became a lot clearer Monday night when the Regulators effortlessly took care of the Jets.

They now know winning the last two games is the only way to hold onto 3rd place and will see them take on Wasted in the semi finals.

The Regs may have cleaned up the mess from earlier in
the year, but The Wolf cautions them again, "lets not
start sucking each others dicks quite yet."

They now know winning the last two games is the only way to hold onto 3rd place and a finals spot. There are three rounds left. Let me break it down bullet point form, (or lets not, nah actually please humour me...)

Here's how it should go down:

1. A bye next week - so that's a win
   
   
2. vs Elwood who haven't won a game all year. Unless they bring in some serious NCAA Division 1 type ringers, this should be a win.
   
   
3. Last round vs Chocolate Thunder. This is win or go home. The Choc Thunder win this and they get in. Make no mistake, this is a final before the finals. Just like Hawks/Bombers this weekend.

Different sport, same consequences
for these two teams

Oh – before I go, a bit of news for all you mad Regulator fans out there. Yes both of you.

You can now follow the progress of the Regulators anytime you like by visiting:

melbournebasketball.com.au

All results for the year, ladder and finals schedule - now go forth and make this your homepage or run head-first into an AIDS tree...

Little Boys play like grown-ass men to stomp Regulators 58-45

#1 fan Francesca was blamed for the loss, and was
deported back to Italy shortly after the game.

Any number of issues could explain the deflating loss Monday night:
• the momentum-slowing BYE last week
• a hungry, more aggressive opponent
• superfan Francesca's magical sporting luck suddenly running out
• shit-awful officiating
• they were DUE FOR A LOSS

Any way you look at it one thing is clear - the LITTLE BOYS have defeated the Regulators twice this season and they're now in the top 4.

If they meet in the finals, will we see a similar result? Or will it be a THIRD TIME LUCKY type scenario?

I don't know, but fuck me with a pitchfork if this conundrum won't be keeping me up at night...pacing the hallway with a crazed look in my eye...blabbering incoherently...caressing a basketball...lightly fondling the valve hole...

Wait, did I just say that out loud?

Regs demolish Sole Provider and roll to sixth straight win

Regulators hold opponent to five second half points on their way to winning by 35

Monday's beatdown was on the level of this Godfather scene...

With only two less wins, Sole Provider seemed like a worthy test for the Regulators. No chance. Not only were they thoroughly shit players, but a late start gave the Regulators a 9 point advantage that kicked in at halftime. A manageable 11-18 deficit blew out to 11-27 and seemed to suck what little life Sole Provider had left.

What happened in the second half was a brutal ass-reaming as the Regulators played as a tight unit to win big and boost percentage.

Fielding a full squad for the first time in weeks, all the usual suspects got in on the act. Matt Leonard with two bombs from downtown being just one of many highlights.

The only downside for the Regs is a mandatory bye next Monday, but I doubt that will slow down this steam train as it chugs its way through Regular Season County on its way to the end destination: Finals Win Station.

Update! Regs now on 3 game WIN streak

Regs continue to win with sharp dissection of Team Smegmen.

The game contained some uptempo play, plenty of bombs from downtown, a Saints-like defensive stand and some of the best trash talking seen for quite a while - I'd pay $0.16 to watch a replay (streaming online of course).

The matchup was unique:

4 guards, 1 Centre
vs
2 guards and 3 centres.

Two of the three Regulator front line were out leaving Sam the task of taking on the Twin Towers of the Smegmen.

The Twin Towers of Houston (not Smegmen).

Up front, guards Digs and Claude were creating some havoc with the Smegmen weakness - bouncing the ball! Ha ha, they had no handles.

Can't recall if it was tied at the half but was close.

The Smegmen caught fire and though they was All That and their stupid-assed no-handle-havin' old dude of a point guard (can't believe they let him run any point at all) started yappin' at Claude!

This writer couldn't believe his eyes! Not only was Claude breaking him down with his response but did he not know acclaimed trash talker Digs was on the court?

After gathering the info from Claude, he quickly confirmed that the old dude was Wack and launched a vintage tirade on the guy for the rest of the game. Basically Smegmen should be pissed off because it changed the game for the Regulators from "probable win" to "certain win".

Everyone got in on the act then and you saw all the best from the Regs including Mattyo's pullup J's and Torrance's inside-outside offense. Fun game, fun times.

Next week is another low-ladder team and a win is favourite on TAB. This journo is taking his work to war-torn North QLD again - so updates might be sketchy.

Do the Regs need to bring back the video?

Vote on the lastest poll if you want to see the Regulators highlight video back in action.

Management thought it was a bit self-indulgent and made the Regulators a bit soft, but with recent losses maybe they need some inspiration.





Hey Beyonce you sexy thing, why don't you sing to these people what they need to do! You go SISTA!

To the left
To the left
Everybody vote
on the poll to the left!

VOTE NOW!

CHOKE! Regulators drop 3rd in a row

The Regulators are starting to get a bad reputation...

It was the same sad story for the Regulators last night: slow start, gritty comeback, poor end-game execution, lose.

This time the Regs dug themselves a very deep hole early and only a few late buckets had them barely in the game at halftime - 14 to 23. Their opponent, VB's were a group of ageing, silvertopped veterans, some of who fought in World War 2. The Regulators usually eat these teams for breakfast, but it seems they had a belly full of complacency and were embarrassed at the half time buzzer.

Flipping the switch at halftime, the Regs clawed their way back with inspired defense leading to fast-break points and a phenomenal reject-then-coast-to-coast-layup from Sam (in career best form) to get the game back to a winnable position.

Mattyo found himself on the free throw line with a chance to tie it late, but perhaps with the recent memory of the Orlando Magic's free throw woes fresh in his mind, the usually rock-steady swingman clanged both and the game seemed out of reach. Another more likely reason for the missed freebies is he was in shock that the refs had not called a foul on him, (after getting some of the worst offensive foul and other calls you will ever see in a basketball game. Whatever Mattyo did to the refs, he might have to apologise).

VB's then headed to the line to ice the game with ten seconds left, and just to add another twist to this engrossing game, missed both and the Regs rebounded and headed down court.

Mattyo got into the paint and found Digs underneath in scoring position. The defense collapsed on him and with no time left he hoisted up a shot, drawing enough contact for a foul, basket missed, no whistle, buzzer sounds, game over.

Once again the Regs find themselves having to climb up to finals position down the stretch run of the season. Have no option but to regroup and get the win against Powerhouse 4 next week.

Regs suffer first loss to lucky Shooting Blanks 48-42

The Regulators were dealt their first loss Monday night to a scrappy young upstart - Shooting Blanks.

Not much to report on this one, all the shots fell for the other team, and still the Regs had a chance to win in the last five minutes.

Big test next week against Wasted who were strong last year and banging on the door to the top four. The Regs are barely holding that door closed at the four spot but might be able to get the dead-bolt secured if Sam makes a full recovery from Swine like symptoms have kept him off the court.

Here's the ladder...

Regs win 59-49. Ladder below

Season Schedule - quick fix

Here's a quick post up of the latest schedule.

Next game this Monday 4th May at 9.10

Click image for larger view or download, printout, stick on your fridge and be awesome!

Regulators Season 2009 promotional video

Regulators 2009 - GET SOME!

KAPOW! Regs bring the smackdown in season opener

Claude explodes for 31 as Regs open up a can on Elwood

Tied at the half, this beatdown was as convincing as it was brutal

Regulators 60
Elwood 36

For the Regulators, finding enough players to field a team was the only concern before the 6.40pm tipoff. By the games end the main issue was "can we do that again?"

With no less than five contracted Regulators out for the season opener and at least three players suffering nasty hangovers, a competitive effort would be good enough until the troops arrive. Two fill ins were required just to scratch together a starting five and with the season tipped off, the Regs were happy to go into the half tied at 24.

Any illusions of a down to the wire dogfight were quickly erased when the refs mercifully released the benches and both teams could play 5-on-5. Out came the crisp passing, the stifling defense, the double-teaming, the rotations, the ownage of rebounds, the outlet passes, the fast breaks and the 3-point shooting.

Yes this was one of those games. All of the Regs contributed to a quality play some of the time, Claude had a hand in almost all of them.

The last few minutes were a pure massacre and the young upstarts of Elwood got a severe lesson in pressure, poise, effort and teamwork.

With only one Regulator (Mal) possible for return next week, lets see if the Regs can back it up.

Long season ahead, but what a start...

Regs finish season with shabby loss, game footage shabby as well

An anti-climactic finish to the season as the Regulators get humbled by the Little Boys

The Regulators turned up 7-deep for the final game of the season and all looked good for a final win. A win would have the Regs on a three game win streak and give some respect to a difficult first season in E grade.

That did not happen.

What also didn't happen was a decent recording of the events. What you're about to see is the result. Best camera angles yet, but late with the taping and then battery runs flat. We'll get it right - NEXT YEAR!

Regs cruise to their sixth win of the year vs BOB

Mattyo had it going early and the Regs had BOB on the ropes.

But BOB came back late and some late-game heroics from Claude sealed the deal.

Highlights below:

Regs turn up - get the win.

Hollow forfeit win balanced by inspired half-court training session.

Unlike this guy, Westkoast didn't want to
take on the big guy, i.e - The Regulators

Looking to snap their two game losing streak, without the services of their hustle man, (Roopa - out for season) a major scoring threat, (Claude - no longer can do early games), and their mega-board-man (Matt Leonard - same reason as Claude) the remaining Regulators were, in short, HIGHLY MOTIVATED to prove they belong on the hallowed basketball Mecca that is court 3 at MSAC.

5.50 games are a delight if you are able to get there early and have an extended warm-up. I will elaborate:

• You have the authority to kick off any weak minded try-hard who's 'Just having shots' because you're a paying player who needs to warm up
• You can scope out the opposition as they arrive
• You can have a mini-game of 2-on-2 or 3-on-3 to really get ready for the game (I'd say your level of play goes up by 5-10% after having a few solid runs)
• You can search for and then lock in on what type of game you're going to have. Shot not falling? Look to pass and rebound. Hitting from 3? Tell the team to get you open. Ball keeps bouncing off your feet and out of bounds? Nominate to be score the game for the night...

But the opposition - WESTKOAST - did not show, and the Regulators took the win by way of forfeit.

Deciding to make the most of the facilities, the Regulators played and intense game of 3-on-3. Teams were decided by height, the game to be decided by classic playground rules (first to 11, have to lead by two - three-pointers worth two, any other shot - one).

From the get-go this game was played with manic intensity and aggression. Free of the shackles of a referee, pussy-fouls and by the book traveling calls, the Regulators played with a sharpness and cohesion not seen in some while.

Honors were split after two games and by that stage everyone was well knackered. With only two games left and no chance of a finals berth, lets see if this session of quality hoops translates into a winning finish to the season.

Regulators hurt by economic crisis - lose to Accurate Financial, lose Roopa for the season

Another balls 'n' all effort thwarted in crunch-time

The Regulators have had some heartbreaking losses in their history, yet I can't recall one as devastating as the loss on Monday.

The signs were good early as the Regs jumped out to a quick lead behind a solid shooting night from Ben Torrance and the always-steady Mat Owens. About five minutes in however, the tone of the game shifted dramatically.

Cult-figure and defensive specialist Roopa had barely checked into the game when, in typical fashion he chased down a loose ball, beat his man, drove the lane and rose up high to rebound his own shot.

"I heard a 'pop' and knew it wasn't a good thing. The massive pain in my knee gave me a clue as well." Roopa, post-game press conference.

With Roopa on the sidelines and Digs hungover and on daddy duties, it was up to the six remaining Regulators to win the game against the top team on the ladder. Once again Mattyo lead the charge, and when Claude entered he proceeded to catch fire and tons of shots from everywhere.

With Sam Fuggle back in the middle and Matt Leonard down low doing their thing, new recruit Mal Michael was able to play as a swingman and provide some timely offense.

The game was once again, tied at the half.

The second half was close before Accurate Financial (has there been a duller team name in the history of organised sports? Please comment if you have one), went on a run and looked to have the game wrapped up.

Ben Torrance again came up with the goods, draining back-to-back threes to bring the Regs back to within two points. Claude and Mattyo also provided late threes but it just wasn't enough.

Final score - Regulators 46 Accurate Financial 50

Video highlights including Roopas unfortunate injury below:

Regulators lose to Stayers in high-scoring battle

Regs play great, Stayers #12 plays better to shoot them down.

Notes before we go to the tape:

• The Regulators wore their alternate gold jersey for this game and could only be described as looking...RESPLENDENT!
• Stayers are 4th on the ladder, Regulators are ninth
• Everything was clicking for the Regulators - low turnovers, high shooting %, great ball movement and stifling defense
• The game was tied at halftime
• Not long after, the Regs had opened up a 10 point lead
• Then #12 for Stayers caught fire. He hit threes, jump-shots, drives and when double-teamed he found his teammates for easy baskets
• In the end it, sorry he and he alone was too much, but the crowd was treated to a great high-scoring game with tons of highlights

Now please enjoy the show:

Regs crush Powerhouse - exclusive footage!

As you can see below, it was the Matt Owens show, with a fair bit of Claude chipping in. The rest of the Regulators just had to stand around and watch.

Thanks to Powerhouse for giving us a nice percentage boost. Nah fanks aye!