Hired guns help Regs get huge opening night win

Game one was like Predator without the Alien - piss easy operation when you hire the best.

From near-forfeit to huge blowout win and everything in between - the Regulators season opener was a huge hit. (just don't mention the cleaners...)

On a night when around 150 players were crammed like sardines outside the courts, the Regulators were without 3 regulars and a fill-in who just pulled out. Things were looking grim.

Then the hired assassins showed up.

Then the doors opened.

Then the players spilled out onto the courts.

Then the Regs warmed up.

Then the ball was tipped.

And then - the show began.

These hired guns - Eamon, Claude and Ben - played a level of ball rarely seen on the hallowed F grade court. From deft mid-range shooting from Claude, steady rebounding and pinpoint passing from Ben and the sheer unstoppable game of Eamon, the opposition didn't have a chance.

"The boys seemed keen to play again and if we're struggling to get a win we might have to call them up. I'm not sure if that's legal - but who cares, we want that title!" Team captain Digs said post game.

Team mascot Dillon was impressed, "Mummy! Dillon have da ice cream Mummy?" was his reply to how he thought the game went.

The four veteran Regulators fed off of the energy of these youngsters and played with more energy than usual. Dave, the on/off fill in was definitely fired up and played a great game.

So game one is in the books and the Regs are looking mighty fine right now.

Ben Matt and Matt back next game - looking forward to it.

Full schedule will be up sometime this week.

Blackout: Powerhouse fusebox busted by Regulators

The Regulators made it three wins in a row and four of their last five with a 3 point win Monday night.

This wasn't the first thing to pop up when 'blackout' was Googled...

Apparently Britney has an album of the same name.

I like the blonde one better

In a controversial and often spiteful encounter - where allegations of cheating forced the Regulators to have a man on the bench and play 4 on 5 - the Regulators continued their scintillating form and held on in the dying seconds for the win.

Missing big man Reuben and the solid play of Matt Owens, the now confident Regulators still felt they were the team to beat.

Recently injured Sam looks back to 100% and dominated the paint, wearing out Powerhouse's big men who basically did nothing all game long.

Matt Leonard didn't have the eye-popping game we've been seeing in recent weeks, but still managed a solid effort. His board work once again conjuring thoughts of Dennis Rodman at his best.

So with the Powerhouse bigs being asked to deal with way too much, how did the game become so close I hear you ask? (terrible comment, I know - someone pass me a drink or shoot me...I feel numb...)

It was a combination of two decent guards and good use of bench rest. And that's where the game was won. They might have had the better, more skilled players, but this is the fucking Regulator defense we're talking about! Read last weeks column if you need to.

I'm talking Roopa hassling their PG before he crosses half court. He was damn near molesting the poor sucka. And this was from start to finish, with no bench! The man is a walking Energizer battery advertisement. You know with him being the one with the Energizer battery in his back and the opposition has the Home Brand shit? No? Well fuck you - I can see it!

This hustle inspired Digs and Ben to work hard too. Flat from the late game time and possibly hung over. A close game like this requires a full effort and these two delivered, particularly in the end of the game when rebounds and scores were crucial.

In the last five minutes when Powerhouse took the lead and had an extra man out there you'd be forgiven for thinking 'game over, nice try Regulators'. And if you did think that, you're a filthy slut. Ben and Digs delivered the winning touches through offensive rebounds and clutch scoring. They had about five offensive boards each at the end, tapping back missed shots until the sucka went in. Back on defense they grabbed rebounds over bigger guys who were exhausted. It was like they said, 'thanks guys for getting us here, we'll knock them off now.'

One last game left in this season - 10pm next Monday. Against the hated rival Dictators.

Bring.that.shit.on.

Regulators Union smash Captains of Industry

Regulators enjoying the hard fought ass-kicking

The Regulators fielded a full squad for the first time all season and played their best game of the year, winning 28 - 15.

Down 9 - 13 after a tough first half, the Regulators gave an almost perfect defensive effort in holding their opponent to two second-half points.

I'll write that again and let it sink in people...

Down 9 - 13 after a tough first half, the Regulators gave an almost perfect defensive effort in holding their opponent to two second-half points.

Now I'll put the main passage in bold and quotes...

'holding their opponent to two second-half points'.

Now I'll put the important words in italics....

Down 9 - 13 after a tough first half, the Regulators gave an almost perfect defensive effort in holding their opponent to two second-half points.

Check the scoreboard - more fouls than points in the second half!

Have you got it yet? No? Well this is what the number two looks like:

2

and that's how many points you get for a made field goal (inside the 3 point line.)


Thusly, biatches, the so-called 'Captains of Industry' scored one-fricking-field goal in twenty mo' fo'ing minutes. Or it might have been two free throws - can't remember.

Alright, I think that's enough on that subject. Except to say that there were numerous steals, blocks, defensive and offensive rebounds in the Regs favour on the night. The Regulators were possessed by a demon-creature from the pits of hell and that demon-creature was created for the sole purpose of stopping opponents from scoring. Yep, I'm pretty sure that's what it was.

PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!!!

That towel got a workout.

Ben showing that perfect form we expect.

The secret is in the warm ups.

Man. Am I ever shit on the camera.
Nah I'm really sorry for the shitty shots.
Must improve.

Other notes:
• The media guide listed Ben and Sam as not playing (injured) but both played and contributed.
• Matt Leonard following up his career-high scoring night two games ago by producing what was surely a career-high rebounding game, (the man is on fire!)
• Digs drawing oohhs and ahhs with some nice handles to get to the rim, then missing at point blank range.
• A halftime shouting-match between teammates Roopa and Roobs that seemed to inspire everyone to come together and produce that brilliant second half.
• Mattyo working a one-man triangle offense in the high post and racking up the assists. He is the Zen-Master.

What will happen next? The Regs are firing on all cylinders, they've won 3 of their last 4, the full squad looks fitter than ever, an identity on the court is emerging before our eyes and next season's rego has been lodged.

This is dizzy stuff folks!

Yes photos of the game and the usual hotties photo rewards will be up later you pervs.

Regs rout Shadows

Shadows: we'll never be that crap

It wasn't even close. The Regs brought the pain and the Shadows dissappeared.

Okay so I can't change font style (huh?). Lets just move on.

The Regs got their second win in three games and erased almost all memories of the shit-fest that was the start to the season.

In an absolute flogging of the Shadows, every Regulator played flat out and contributed in almost all stat categories.

There was much anticipation for this encounter with one excited commentor asking 'When do you play The Shaows?' - now we know why - they wanted to see a blood-bath.

And bathe in blood they did, even without Ben Torrance (season ending injury) and Sam Fuggle (1 week - ankle) and with the bitter taste of Dave's signing for a different team, the Regs played like fucking legends.

The reward this week for a kick-ass effort - more hottie pics.

So tally-ho you little bitches, and bring forth a slurry of smut-laden comments...

Regs unable to get streak started, lose again.

Regulators put up a great effort, but were outnumbered in another loss.


streak (strēk)
noun

1. a line or long, thin mark; stripe or smear, generally differing in color or texture from the surrounding area
2. a ray of light or a flash, as of lightning
3. a vein or stratum of a mineral
4. a layer, as of fat in meat
5. a strain, element, or tendency in behavior, temperament, etc.; trait a jealous streak
6. * a period, spell, or series a streak of bad luck, a streak of losses

After just managing to field 5 players, the Regs were dealt an early blow when All-Star centre Sam Fuggle fell awkwardly and rolled his ankle. This reduced them to a 4-on-5 contest for most of the game (and they had a sub).

The first half was predicably shithouse for the Regulators, and then something special happened.

Roopa and Digs upped the 'D' in the backcourt.

Matt Owens started and finished fast breaks.

Matt Leonard became a dominant force inside.

All the regulators took it right to the hole and converted well-earned free throws.

Add all that up and the Regs not only held their own, but outscored the opposition by about 10 points - all while having one less player and calling no time-outs!

So in honour of this effort, here you go biatches - some more sweet pics...

You want the truth?

You can't handle the truth: Q & A session for the comments...

The Colonel is doubtful of your truth handling ability

An awesome response to the latest post - 5 comments! I'm pretty sure this is because of the win and not a response to the quality of content in the report.

Leonard said...

Roobs dominated the boards, Matty O was unbeatible in traffic, MCDougal passed through congestion and Matty L was dominate in close. Regulators at their best !!!!

January 15, 2008 11:38 PM

Thanks Leonard, but what - Sam just sat and watched? Whoever you are, Sam's not happy with your report and will be on the lookout...

Anonymous said...

When do we get to play SHADOWS?

January 15, 2008 11:43 PM

Now this one threw me. Why the fuck do you care about the Shadows? Obviously you are a scout for the Shadows and therefore I'm not telling you jack you, you - JACKFACE!

Anonymous said...

A win with no Torrance out there to terrorize the opposition.....everyone must have been firing

January 18, 2008 11:39 AM

Now here's another one of those psycho Ben Torrance fans. Yes everyone was firing, but you know what? There are help groups for people like you. Torrance Anonymous, or Tor Anon for short. I'm glad to say I've made it to step eight: Admitting there's a higher power ABOVE Ben Torrance [sigh]

Anonymous said...

Where was Rooper????

January 19, 2008 3:22 AM

Now we have Roopa addicts too? Gotta be the tatts right? Let me tell ya, Roopa had a MORE IMPORTANT ENGAGEMENT TO ATTEND. Yeah that's right it's out there now. Roopa, the fans will turn on you, they're fickle as a mutha - word.

Anonymous said...

And when is he back?

January 19, 2008 3:24 AM

See! They want blood! Lets just say he's out indefinitely...and his twi brother will be playing next week.

So as a reward for the top comments, here's 3 pics I found when I Googled 'hottie' - [cough] for blog purposes only.

REGS WIN! REGS WIN! REGS WIN!

Scientists finally break the code: this above equation is 100% correct

In a stunning reversal of form, the Regulators finally get a win against TBA.

The Regulators led from start to finish, but had to make some crucial free-throws in the clutch to get the win, 29 - 25. Digs, Matt Owens and Sam converted one of two freebies each to just keep victory out of reach for the scrappy TBA.

When asked how it feels to finally break the cherry, Matt Leonard said, "It was one of the best nights of my life, he was very gentle with me...oh you mean getting our first win? Yeah that feels good too!"

Next game is 5:50 next Monday - lets see if they can build on this historic win.